I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
