Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
