lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
