Nicole vs. Life
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
