I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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