Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
