Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
