i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
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