Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
