Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
