I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
