I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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