I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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