I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
