could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I don't think brook has ever known best
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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