woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
