final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
stop calling my apartment porn island.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
