Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
