I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
