I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
