On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
