I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
