Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
