Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
