So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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