Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
