Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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