Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
