Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize