am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
