Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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