what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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