Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
