fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
