I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
