How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
