How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I need moral support for this bender
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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