um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
