Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
