she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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