She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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