I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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