Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
