New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
