This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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