i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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