If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
