i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
