He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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