make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
