We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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