So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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