I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
