Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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