All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize