I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
