So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
