FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
