please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize