the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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