census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
