I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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