For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
