the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
her vagine was all disorganized.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
