I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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