Im at strip club and am horny
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
