Say something about gay babies.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
