Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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