its not stalking. its research.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
