Welp...herpes.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
