M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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