drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
