if you like me you must not know who I am
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
