Already got asked if we're dating
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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