You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize