I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
