I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
