We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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