no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
