Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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