Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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