Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
