I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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