The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
