yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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