Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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