Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
