You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
