If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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