I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
