I'd wear matching sweaters with you
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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