I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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