Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I wish life had little blips of pornography
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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