Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Pooping to opera.
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