i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
