Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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