i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Randomize