Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
