Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Randomize
