Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
