im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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