White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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