If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
