I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
