i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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