sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
