Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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